Man From Matunga

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September 27, 2005

Death do us together - Musubiai

This is my new piece that was published today in Mumbai Mirror. Not mentioned in the article, is the fact that musubiai is a term that I came upon while trolling the net at J Ito's site.

A few weeks ago, as I drove out of the Sion crematorium at around midnight, I couldn’t but help think of musubiai. Musubiai, in Japanese, describes the special relationship that develops among neighbors, usually in a village, where they will do anything for each other, a relationship whose value typically becomes most apparent during a death.

With only two degrees of separation in most of Matunga, as well as Wadala, Sion and parts of Dadar, the mentality is still reminiscent of a largish village and help in times of acute need is easily and spontaneously available. And nothing brings this out better than a death in the family.

The moment it comes to be known that someone has died, not only do the relatives converge on the apartment, but the neighbors throw open their doors and hearts without the need to be told. If the relatives are few or none, the neighbors take on a more important role, but even otherwise they are amazingly supportive.

Everything from clothing the body, arranging it carefully, calling the hearse, or making the pall with bamboo sticks, carrying the body, either into the hearse or all the way upto the crematorium, making sure that the cremation occurs as per tradition and in time, helping with feeding the relatives, opening up their apartments for relatives and friends, when there is lack of space, or providing chairs and other furniture, taking care of young, bewildered children, providing a shoulder to cry upon and giving time…are all things that …just happen.

Its funny. Despite all the sloganeering about “our Indian culture”, we provide no dignity to the living and dying. But dignity after death is a given, whether it is an unclaimed, roadside body or you and I. You can see it when the traffic parts to let the pall-bearers and the procession walk through. Or when people drop everything they are doing to fulfill their musubiai. And surprisingly this attitude even extends to the BMC employees in the Sion crematorium, which can come as a pleasant surprise to all those who have ever dealt with any department in the BMC. Even to get the body out of a morgue takes money, but once you are in the crematorium, the workers are really helpful, non-obstructive and make it very easy for the entire process to be completed without any major fuss.

Musubiai also helps in keeping the grief in check. When friends and family rally around, and lunch and dinner have to be cooked and guests have to be taken care off, and many small details and rituals need to be attended to, it helps take your mind off the loss. It is only later, when everyone has gone and all the neighbors are back to their usual grind, that the loneliness and that gnawing, empty feeling in your heart hit you, yet a little less hard than it would have otherwise.

However, there will come a day, when even in Matunga, musubiai will become an alien concept. There are too many high-rises that are coming up now, where people won’t even know their next-door neighbors and until the stink escapes the room into the landing, will have no idea that their neighbor staying alone has been dead for over a week. But until then, musubiai”, even though some of us find it obtrusive, is well and alive and kicking in our part of the world.

Posted by bhavinj at September 27, 2005 02:38 PM

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