November 02, 2005
A Bit Listless
This is my Mumbai Mirror piece that was published yesterday.
A good number of people in Matunga have been born here, have studied here, married in the greater Matunga area, have delivered here, have had their children go to schools here and their children seem to be continuing the same tradition. There must be a reason for this.
In David Letterman style….
The Top Ten Reasons for Living in Matunga
10. Equidistant from Colaba and Borivli
9. Being a Gujju or Kutcchi and even better Jain…yes Tamil as well
8. Matunga gymkhana
7 All the other schools and colleges, excluding Don Bosco
6. The bhuttawala outside Jonette
5. Don Bosco
4. Matunga Market
3. The overall greenery
2. Five Gardens
1. The Udipi joints
The Top Ten Reasons for Not Living in Matunga
10.
9. No malls, multiplexes
8. No lounges, pubs, discos and fine-dining restaurants
7. Completely “non-happening”
6. Too many Gujjus, Kutchhis…and Tamils
5. The disappearance of all Navratri and dandia celebrations
4. Noise and air pollution on the main RAK and Ambedkar roads
3. The new monstrosities coming up all over Five Gardens, Adenwalla road, etc
2. The yearly constant flooding outside Gandhi market
1.
It doesn’t take much to figure why the “good” list is longer than the “bad”.
Posted by bhavinj at 12:44 PM | Comments (4)
August 12, 2005
Gujjus (and Kutcchis) rule
This is today's post in the Mumbai Mirror.
In the context of the Gujjufication of Matunga, Swapna sent this mail, “Today GUJJUS rule everywhere. And by everywhere i mean everywhere!!! Forget matunga , u find them everywhere. the suburbs overflow with them, travel in a local train and i bet half the compartment will be yelling across to each other in gujrathi. Its almost like an epidemic! Earlier it was uncool to be a gujju…Now it is totally COOL to be a gujju!”
“Gujjus (& Kutchhis) rule!” Nowhere is this as epitomized as in Matunga.
In Kal Ho Naa Ho, when Saif goes home for his parents’ anniversary celebrations, he makes no effort to hide his embarrassment at his parents’ antics, especially when they sing the “Gujju” song - G for gathiya, U for undhiya, J for jalebi, J for Jamnagar, etc. Actually, I was a little confused at his embarrassment! Was it his character’s innate Americanness being an ABCDEFG (American Born Confused Desi Emigrated from Gujarat), or was it the fact that the script-writer, the director, the producer and Saif himself are all Punjabis / North Indians, who love to poke fun at other communities in their films?
Offering a counterpoint, is Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai, on Star One, one of the few adult, intelligent sitcoms on Indian television today. The senior Sarabhai couple is a rich Gujju pair, their dermatologist son having married a middle-class Punjabi from Patiala, who thinks “vixen” is pleural for “Vicks” and asks her husband not to forget to get extra key-chains from the car-dealer after he buys a 1 crore SUV. The sitcom works brilliantly most of the times, mainly because of its ability to self-deprecatingly make fun of its own innate Gujjuness, at the same time poking fun at other communities, without being offensive.
Mrs. Sarabhai (Ratna Pathak Shah - who incidentally is a Five Gardens product), seems to live in Malabar Hill / Walkeshwar, but could as well have been living in New York or North London or Toronto (if you’ve met Gujjus/Kutchhis from these cities, you’ll know what I’m talking about) and constantly sniffs at the infra-dig attitudes of middle-class Gujjus living in the suburbs. Which includes Matunga, which really is the next Gujju bastion after Malabar Hill / Walkeshwar.
Maybe its the two “derasars” (Jain temples), maybe it’s the fact that there are already so many Gujjus already living in Matunga, maybe it’s the large number of schools and the relative peace and quiet, but middle and upper middle-class Gujjus and Kutchhis have, over the years, quietly infiltrated almost all of Matunga, Wadala and Sion, the majority of households represent slightly downmarket versions of the Sarabhai household. Which partly goes a long way in explaining the Matunga mentality.
Naturally, Matunga, Wadala and Sion are now intensely Gujjufied. All shop-keepers of all shades and stripes speak Gujarati, as do all the doctors in the area, as well as the bais, chauffeurs and vegetable sellers. And even the sambhar is a shade sweeter in all the Udipi joints.
The best part is the spill-over effect. On Saturdays and Sundays, even the coffee shop at the ITC, in neighboring Parel, resembles an upmarket Gujju / Kutchhi wedding…including the mandatory Jain counter on the side.
Posted by bhavinj at 02:15 PM | Comments (3)
July 05, 2005
Matunga, What's That!
This was published in today's Mumbai Mirror.
As a child, I often had to visit a cousin, living on Napean Sea Road. Once that cousin had friends visiting.
“Where do you live?”
“King’s Circle, Matunga”
“Oh…..”
“Uh….”
“Where’s that?”
“After Dadar and before Sion.”
“Sion comes when we go to Lonavla, doesn’t it?”
“It’s the circle that comes before”
“Oh…”
There was a pregnant pause during which they tried to digest the fact that someone actually lived in such places. For the sake of gastric stability, I was then promptly ignored and left to my own devices.
I remembered this, during a meeting last Saturday in Powai. We were discussing a suburban project, when I questioned its usefulness. My colleague immediately compared me to another senior professor, who questioning the viability of the project, had told him, “but Mumbai ends at Mahim.” Which, I told him, was much better than “Mumbai ends at Worli”, that a couple of my friends practicing in Girgaum, keep saying.
It then struck me how Matunga can be a less than 4 minutes blip on the car radar, a blurry 1.5km montage of buildings and shops, nestled between Dadar and Sion. That morning, short of time, I drove drive directly to Powai from Girgaum, without stopping off at home. From the Ruia college signal, in three minutes flat, I swung past King’s Circle, stopping momentarily at the Brahmanwada signal, from where in another half-minute, I was past Gandhi Market, and out of Matunga. Compare this to Powai. Though the drive from the Sion to the LBS Marg flyovers, took just 17 minutes, it took another 35 minutes just to reach the Renaissance. Powai just seemed to go on and on and on…
So, I am not sure I blame the “South Mumbai” types. Unless you have relatives or friends in Matunga or love Udipi food or have studied in VJTI or UDCT, there really is no reason to know anything about the place, except that it comes on the way to Lonavla.
Rarely though, you can get pleasantly surprised. A few years ago, Dad’s friend invited us for dinner to Bombay Brasserie, in Worli. They stayed on Carmicheal road and his son and daughter-in-law had just returned for good, after 7-8 years in the US. We went reluctantly, not knowing what level of snootiness to expect. At the table, we were all trying hard to find common-ground, when the daughter-in-law mentioned that she used to live at Five Gardens, part of the Matunga mentality coverage. When she and my wife realized that they were both Vachhaites, and that too, just a couple of years apart, they promptly sat down next to each other and gossiped the evening away. And the rest of us managed to amuse ourselves at their expense.
Plus c’a change, plus c’est la meme chose. Twenty five years after the Nepean Sea Road incident, at South Mumbai events, the mention of Matunga as a place of residence, still manages to raise an eyebrow. Sometimes, both…, and I am sure the rest as well, if we had more.
Posted by bhavinj at 06:44 PM | Comments (0)
July 21, 2002
The Deteriorating Doctor-Patient Relationships - Who is to Blame?
A couple of weeks back, the Sunday edition of Times of India carried a completely one-sided article on how the doctor-patient relationship has changed for the worse with examples of doctors cheating patients, starting with some Calcutta-based physicians who had been sentenced to three-months rigorous imprisonment for some supposed negligence.
A week later, "The Sunset" carried this article.
THE DETERIORATING DOCTOR-PATIENT RELATIONSHIP
News Network Service
There is no denying that the doctor-patient relationship is deteriorating. Rank commercialization and deteriorating moral standards in society have had their effect also on the medical profession and the practice of medicine. Doctors have been brought into the ambit of the consumer court and in the last few years, cases involving doctors have gone up significantly. An idea of where things are going can be obtained from some examples of court cases currently up for hearing.
1. Doctor A versus Patient X
Patient X came to Doctor A, a radiologist for a CT examination of the abdomen and pelvis. The cost was Rs. 10,000, which patient X agreed to pay. Proof of this was his signature on the consent form that also listed the charges for the study. Patient X paid half the money and kept the other half balance, saying he would pay while collecting the report. In the meantime, Doctor A called Doctor Y, the patient's family physician and told him the study was normal. Doctor Y informed patient X about this. Patient X decided not to collect the report. Doctor A's staff called Patient X at least 10 times, but the patient refused to come to collect the report and to pay the balance amount. He made a police complaint, but to no avail. With no further help forthcoming, the doctor filed a suit in court for recovery of money.
2. Doctor C versus Patient Z
This is a very interesting case. Patient Z took an appointment with Doctor C's centre for a CT scan, to be scheduled at 7.00AM in the morning. The centre took down the patient's telephone number and the day before the examination twice called to confirm the appointment. In the meantime, another patient W wanted an urgent CT scan appointment, but could not be adjusted since the day's bookings were full. Patient W decided to get the scan done elsewhere. On the day of the study, patient Z did not turn up till 7.15AM. The centre called his place only to find that he was still asleep and didn't feel like getting up to come for the study - his wife said, "he will come at 8.00AM when he wakes up." The centre cancelled his appointment and the doctor decided to sue the patient for recovery of lost income. As the lawyer puts it. "the patient showed complete disrespect for the system and because of this, the doctor also lost income from another patient who could have been accommodated if patient Z had been more responsible."
3. The Indian Insurance Company versus Patient M
Patient M had an MRI examination done for the spine and Doctor F's report mentioned a comparison with a previous scan performed two years ago for the same problem, which was a disc herniation. The patient this time got operated within 20 days of the MRI scan and decided to use his medical insurance, which he had procured just a year and a half ago. The agent told him that the claim would be rejected since the MRI report made it clear that this was a long-standing, two-year old problem. He came back to Doctor F and asked him to change the report so as not to reflect the comparison. Doctor F refused saying that it would not be correct. The patient abused him and also pressurized the operating surgeon to talk to Doctor F. Fed up and fearing future problems, doctor F filed a complaint about patient M with The Indian Insurance Company. In the meantime, patient M had forged the doctor's signature on another report and submitted the claim. When the insurance company realized this, they filed a suit against the patient for misrepresentation, doctor F being their star witness.
4. Doctor N versus relatives of Patient E
Patient E came to doctor N, an oncologist, with a diagnosis of presumed carcinoma ovary. Since the tumor was big, the patient was explained that the best course would be to take chemotherapy to reduce the tumor size, after which a surgery would be necessary. The relatives were explained this in detail. An uncle of patient E, a very influential individual, pooh-poohed "all this allopathy" and convinced the patient and her husband that chemotherapy itself would kill her. Instead he started them on some "Umerkhadi" medicine. After three months, the patient found her abdomen distending; her cancer had spread into the peritoneum. She went back to the oncologist, who was extremely upset. This had happened once too often and frustrated she decided to file a suit against the uncle who was responsible for converting a potentially treatable situation into a non-treatable disease.
5. Doctor P versus relatives of patient S
Patient S was admitted with acute severe pancreatitis in the ICU of the hospital under doctor P. The relatives were explained in detail that this condition was potentially fatal and worse than having a "heart attack" or "stroke" - the treatment would also cost upwards of around Rs 3 lakhs. The doctor visited the patient at least twice a day, made sure that the necessary investigations were carried out, had him operated for necrosectomy and as his vital organs started failing one by one, made sure that the best specialists for the other organs were available. Despite his best efforts, the patient died after three weeks. He had constantly been in touch with the relatives and appraised them of the situation everyday. When the doctor told them of the patient's death, the brother and father pushed him around outside the ICU and loudly blamed him for the patient's death. Doctor P was upset and shocked; assuming this was a reaction to the death, he let it go. However two days after the cremation, they barged into this office and again abused him. Doctor P could not take this any longer; he filed a police complaint for physical harassment and then a suit against them for physical and mental abuse.
6. Doctor O versus The Morning Times
The Morning Times ran a report of how Doctor O had killed a patient during a CT guided biopsy. According to the report, the biopsy needle went into the heart, puncturing it and the patient bled to death. Doctor O was never approached for his side of the story and the entire article was based on the information given by the patients and their relatives. The article went on to blame the doctor and cast aspersions on his method of working and his ethics. What the article did not mention was that the autopsy done two days after the incident had shown a completely coincidental myocardial infarct (heart attack), which had nothing to do with the procedure. When doctor O went to meet the editor of the newspaper with this information, the editor kept him waiting for three hours and was then extremely rude and abusive, the abuse carrying over to the entire medical profession. Doctor O approached the Consultant Doctors Association. When the CDA tried to meet the editor, they were given the same rude treatment and the editor and journalist refused to file a retraction; they refused to even look at the evidence. With no recourse, doctor O with the help of the CDA filed a suit against the relatives of the patient and the Morning Times for a compensation of Rs 5 crores, for slander and resultant loss of practice.
There are many more such cases in the civil and criminal courts.
Doctors are soft targets; they are highly educated and intelligent, but not organized and unionized. Everyone, the patients, the insurance companies, the hospitals and their administrators, the government, the taxmen, etc., tries to take advantage of them. It is time they fought back and it is likely that we will see more cases like these in the future.
Posted by bhavinj at 06:58 AM | Comments (0)
November 02, 2000
How to Become a Doctor in Four Weeks
Here is a roadmap of how to become a doctor in four weeks or less and to earn more than conventional physicians and surgeons.
First, take a reiki course for a week and become a reiki-master or expert. Understand the nuances of the posturing and hand movements and the importance of correct jargon. Once this has been mastered, take a small course in pranic-healing. At the same time, start reading books or surf the net for information on vastushastra and feng-shui or attend classes. Along with this, pick up tomes on gem therapy, aromatherapy and magnetotherapy and attend classes if required.
This should not take more than four weeks.
Once you are ready, start first with your friends and family. Initially, take on only those people who have coughs and colds, vague aches and pains, backache, general discomfort, heartburn, and conditions, which generally don't get enough attention from practitioners of conventional medicine. Spend time with them, while practicing the various movements and spouting the correct jargon. Encourage them to talk about themselves and don't be surprised when they come up with a lot of repressed feelings, buried fears and angst about their lives and the futures of their families and themselves. Impress them by correctly pinpointing their problems, citing causes such as lack of sleep, faulty diet, "fast" lives, occasional depression, etc. all of which will be present to some degree or another in the majority of people.
In no time, they will start recommending you to their other friends and acquaintances and you will get known. Become serious, adopt a slightly superior but not condescending or patronizing air and charge the earth. The more expensive you are, the better you will be considered. Get yourself a consulting room, either in your house or outside and design it to look extremely ethnic with low-settees, earthy colors, incense, pots, curtains, brocade, zari, malas and the like.
When the first really serious patient comes in, give an impression that you understand the problem in detail. Ask for all the papers, read the doctors' notes, the pathology and radiology reports and make some pithy comments like, "Hmm...Whew...Tough...". Even if you don't have the foggiest idea of where the liver is or what the function of the pancreas is or can't pronounce medulla oblongata, don't worry. Just keep muttering " modern medicine...tch tch" and keep shaking your head. When the patient or the relatives look at you wide-eyed with expectation and hope, tell them "Don't worry...we'll set things right". Don't ever tell them to stop the treatment they have been advised by the practitioners of modern medicine, whether it involves drugs or surgery. If the treatment is successful, take the credit for it, by saying that it worked only because of all the reiki, etc that was applied. If the treatment is unsuccessful and the patient worsens, blame it on "allopathic" medicine and its ills and the "hard" drugs and "cutting" surgery. You can't go wrong!
You can further impress the patients by keeping their pathology reports and x-rays and doing reiki on them saying that by targeting the diseases from the reports, you can heal them faster.
You will get disbelievers and relatives trying to expose you. The more educated they are, the easier it is to convert them. Drop words like "cosmic energy", "positive biofeedback", "yin and yang", "forces of life", "negative and positive energy", "environmental pollution" and if you are a little smarter, "global heating", "ozone hole", "man ruining Gaia, earth's life force" and "El Nino", mix everything into a goulash that is so complicated, it just cannot be challenged, add anecdotes of miraculous healing either by you or preferably by your reiki-master along with phone numbers and references of the "master" (not the patient, silly) and you'll probably have them slurping the palms of your hands.
Never promise too much! Don't say that you can make a man paralytic for 20 years, walk, but do say that "I can make him feel better and maybe in the future he might start walking". Who knows what miracles modern medicine might throw up in the future...at that time, if you are still around, you can take the credit for everything. Don't ever tell them to stop taking their conventional treatment, or you will be doomed.
Add a "Dr" before your name to make you sound big. No one will say anything to you in India. Also add a few initials like MR (master of reiki), PHE (pranic healing expert), VC (vastu consultant) and get an MRSH (Member of the Royal Society of Health), a certificate from Britain (the foreign stamp) which even a Municipal sweeper can get provided he pays the necessary pounds in fees.
Without the ten to fifteen years of solid hard work that conventional doctors have to go through, without exams, without the struggle to establish a practice and a name, without any knowledge whatsoever of anatomy or physiology, without even knowing how to pronounce medical words, you will be able to become a successful doctor. It just needs some savvy and street-smarts.
All this in just four weeks! And never compromise on your charges. Ever! And always charge more than conventional doctors, to justify your rapport with the universal soul as well as to make as much money as possible while the going is good.
Of course, you could also pay some money to an obscure University in Bihar or Uttar Pradesh and get an actual MBBS certificate...that would give you even more legitimacy. Imagine patients saying, "an MBBS doctor advising reiki, pranic healing, etc...there must be something in all this." Of course, this can only be started in an obscure place where no one knows that you haven't actually done an MBBS. But there are enough such places in India, aren't there!
Posted by bhavinj at 06:56 AM | Comments (1)
February 27, 2000
The Holistic Treatment Soup
Breast cancer with liver metastases. It was like a death sentence for Seema. The prognosis was poor and the expected suffering, considerable, but she decided to give it a good fight. After multiple consultations and tests, she found a good, kind oncologist, who took her through five cycles of a rigorous chemotherapy regime. Three months later the lump in her breast disappeared and the liver metastases regressed.
Seema threw a small party for her friends and family. As the party started drawing to a close, many of her close friends and family gravitated into a circle around Seema, drawn together by their relationships with her and their contributions to her well being. A friend of hers, Nikita, who had just come down from London, was being introduced to all of them.
Nikita: It is a miracle, isn't it. The statistics were all against her, but she made it.
Uncle 1: Obviously. I spent days with her, performing reiki, channeling the universal life force energy over her body to drive away and kill the cancer cells. I even made my grandmaster perform long-distance reiki from Japan.
Uncle 2: If you say so, but I think it was my pranic healing that healed her. I used the chakras in my palm to revitalize her energy field. I even did advanced pranic healing using violet and electric violet energy instead of the usual white energy to realign her bioplasmic energy, which in turn healed her physical body.
Uncle 3: How can mere energy work! It is my urine therapy that cured her. I taught her how to drink her own urine first thing in the morning each day. She is not the first case of cancer cured by urine therapy.
Nikita: Yechh!
Uncle 3: There is nothing yechh about this. Urine has been used therapeutically in India for centuries and can cure everything from constipation to cancer. It even helps patients with AIDS. It is a sterile substance that contains thousands of nutrients; the only thing to be careful about is that the urine drunk should be a proper, clean mid-stream sample, collected first thing in the morning.
Aunt 1: Bull. What really helped is the magical leaf that I placed on her breast with a mudpack everyday. The lady who gave it to me told me that her own breast cancer fell out when she used it. Seema is just the last of many patients to benefit from this treatment.
Brother-in-law: I think it is my acupressure that worked. Pressing on a particular point on the foot is supposed to make cancers go away. And I think Seema quite enjoyed those daily massages. Eh, Seema?
Aunt 2: And what about my water-therapy? I made her drink eight cups of water every day in the morning; all that water must have drowned the cancer cells. It has been proved beyond doubt that hydrotherapy can treat hypertension, diabetes, hemorrhoids, stress and cancer.
Sister-in-law: Poof! The warm-water baths that I made her have are responsible for her cure. Sitting cross-legged in a basin and applying warm water over one's body is supposed to drive away negative energy. That is exactly what happened; the negative cancer disappeared.
Distant uncle: What has actually worked is the powder from Santu Baba in Umerkhadi, which I had asked her to eat after lunch every day. It is a very powerful herbal, natural medicine that has cured a large number of patients with cancers the world over. Don't you remember Seema's cousin's father-in-law with stomach cancer who is still alive after taking this powder?
And this went on.
One man, with a slight bemused expression on his face, remained silent throughout. When Nikita noticed this, she jokingly asked.
Didn't you contribute anything to her remission?
Silent man: I am not sure. I am just her oncologist.
Posted by bhavinj at 06:53 AM | Comments (0)
February 13, 2000
The Top Ten Rules that Mumbai Taxi-Drivers Follow for Passenger Comfort and Satisfaction
10. Keep the taxi in a rickety condition, so that the ride is as bumpy and jerky as possible. The passengers will get a free body massage.
9. Brake hard, suddenly, every 3-5 minutes. This will help passengers exercise various body parts in an attempt to prevent them from being flung around.
8. Push the front seat as far back as possible. This will cramp most passengers in the back seat, thus keeping them awake and alert.
7. Blow your horn as loudly and frequently as possible. This will prevent most passengers from falling asleep, thus allowing them to use their precious time for more fruitful activities.
6. Always swear at other drivers who either drive too slow or too fast or cut you or don't allow you to cut them. This will expand the passengers' vocabulary.
5. Exchange the standard four-cylinder engine for an imported, junked, three-cylinder one. This will prevent the taxi from going above 40km/hour, thus making it safer for passengers.
4. Always drive in the middle of a two-lane road so that no other vehicle can pass you by. This will prevent noxious fumes from other vehicles entering your taxi, thus keeping the air inside clean and breathable.
3. Break signals and drive through one-way streets from the opposite direction whenever possible. The passengers will reach their destinations faster, thus saving time and money.
2. Never carry small change. This will teach passengers the new concept of rounding off to the nearest five rupees.
1. Always refuse short-distance rides. This will make people healthier by forcing them to walk.
Posted by bhavinj at 12:03 AM | Comments (0)
August 23, 1999
The Art of Spitting (A PhD Thesis Proposal)
A friend of mine showed me this PhD thesis proposal.
Background:
Spitting is an act of expulsion of the contents of one's mouth into one's surroundings. It is an act which allows the person indulging in it, to get rid of unwanted fluid, food particles, phlegm, sputum or extraneous material such as "paan-juice". The uniqueness of the act of spitting lies in the fact that unlike belching, farting, micturition and defecation it is almost completely voluntary, done at will and usually with complete control.
Spitting in India is a universal phenomenon. In virtually every locality, at almost every corner, someone is spitting at any given time. There are very few public places, where evidence of spittle, especially red "paan-juice" is absent. It would therefore be safe enough to say that this one act of volition, which the majority of Indians participate in most of the times, has elevated spitting to the level of a national sport or past-time. It is important therefore to study the concept of spitting in detail.
We have already done a preliminary survey of 1000 people to understand the act of spitting, which we will describe in the sections to follow.
Objectives of the study:
1. To understand the anatomy and physiology of spitting.
2. To understand the pyschology behind the act of spitting
3. To study the various methods of spitting, the differences between them and the reasons for these differences.
Materials & Methods:
We will undertake a large survey with a lengthy questionnaire, to try and meet the various objectives. This questionnaire will be handed over by various non-governmental organizations (NGOs) to over 100,000 individuals, randomly picked, to avoid bias related to gender, socio-economic status or religion.
Our preliminary studies have found that there are no hard and fast criteria for the type of people who spit. People of all socio-economic strata spit, whether it the rich, Mercedes-driving individuals or the mathadi workers pulling a cart. Males appeared to outnumber women, 1.4:1, but we believe this is a bias related to the fact that more men than women are found outdoors. Young children spit less, but after the age of 15, there is no difference. All religions spit equally. All castes spit without bias. The only difference is that the more socially upscale a person, the more careful that person is not to spit on someone else and to wipe his/her mouth with a clean handkerchief after the act.
If the person is a "spitter" (preliminary results show that only 1% of individuals, spit only in their homes or in washrooms, and thus do not qualify"), then the questioner will try to understand when and how the spitter spits. Our initial survey has shown the following methods: saliva spitting, "paan-juice" spitting, phlegm spitting and spitting of food particles. These can be spitted out in the form of a drool, straight down, straight direct, with mouth open or through pursed lips, gently or with a considerable ejectile force. All these will be evaluated in detail to assess for specific associations with gender, religion, socio-economic status and the like.
The next question will deal with the emotional state before and after the act of spitting. Our early results have shown that there is an element of agitation before spitting, especially if a cough has brought up phlegm or if a person is chewing paan. The act of spitting leads to emotional satisfaction and in some instances a post-orgasmic state of relief. As a result of this, only women will question women and men, men.
The economic background will also be studied in detail. It is believed that the reason many people spit so much is because of the high level of unemployment. Having nothing much to do during the day, and no money or access to most sports activities, spitting helps spitters keep active and in an alert state of mind (avoiding hitting passers-by, aiming correctly, etc). Since this act seems to help alleviate the angst of unemployment, it needs detailed study.
One part of the study will deal with the question of why "paan-chewers" insist on spitting their red spittle on the whitest and cleanest surfaces, especially in buildings and public places. One study done in the past has postulated that this act allows them to bring to the fore their anti-social feelings and to get rid of them - if so the act of spitting actually may help in relieving individuals of their angst and may be a cathartic solution for psychological problems. Something similar to graffiti in public places.
Eventual Aim:
All this data will then be processed to understand the psychology and methodology of spitting. This data may then be sold to companies to help them identify target populations for their products, such as special handerchiefs for wiping after the act, special portable "spittoons", spitting contests and the like.
It is probable that with over 90% of the population spitting constantly, the possibility of turning out a world-champion is high. Therefore, since we lack sportsmen of calibre in other sports, this data can be used to institute proper training camps and to convert this national past-time into a full-time sport. The only competition apparently that we will have to worry about from is from Bangladeshis, Pakistanis and maybe Mexicans (from Clint Eastwood's curry westerns).
Epilogue:
The proposal was accepted. When it was sent for grants, the grants commission saw so much potential, that the proposal was sent to the World Bank, which immediately decided to fund it as a third-world project. Now, there are four NGOs involved with two full-time MBAs drawing seven figure salaries running the project. Not to be outdone, the state and central governments have made special budgetary provisions and deputed a minister of state to oversee the activities. It has also been made clear to various policing agencies that people who try to stop the act of spitting in public places (apparently there was some campaign called "say 'chee' to spitters") should immediately be booked for obstruction of individual rights. Efforts will also be instituted to brainwash such anti-social "non-spitters" into becoming spitters.
Posted by bhavinj at 09:55 AM | Comments (0)
