This is what really happens:
9.00AM: Five people in the audience. One or two of the organizers have arrived, the rest are expected. 9.30AM: Fifty people in the audience. All the organizers have finally arrived.
10.00AM: Hundred people in the audience. The organizers are now happy that enough people have arrived so that they can start the proceedings.
10.15AM: The inauguration begins with an invocation to the Gods and a speech from the organizing secretary.
10.30AM: The ceremonial lamp is lit.
10.40AM: The president and secretary of the association deliver their addresses.
11.00AM: The chief guest gives his/her lecture.
11.20AM: The vote of thanks is delivered.
11.30AM: The inauguration finally ends and the lectures now begin.
11.45AM: The first lecture starts. This is usually the inaugural or keynote address, delivered by someone very important or famous. Invariably the speaker overshoots the allotted time and the organizers do not have the courage to stop him/her, for fear of offending him/her. A forty-five minutes lecture thus, usually runs for over an hour or more.
12.45PM: (Fifteen minutes before lunch): My scheduled 10.15AM lecture starts. Just before I begin, one of the organizers whispers to me, asking me to cut short my carefully prepared lecture from 45 minutes to 20-30 minutes, since time is running out. I am hopping mad as it is, and refuse to comply. This of course, prolongs the session even more. Sometimes the organizers try to frantically make signs asking me to stop - these I dutifully ignore.
1.30PM: The next two lectures are postponed to the post-lunch session.
1.20PM-2.30PM: Lunch. Pandemonium reigns. Delegates pile their plates high with oil-drenched food, in anticipation of an impending famine. Purees, 2-3 vegetables, rice, dal, sweets, curds and papad are all balanced precariously on a small plate. Comments about the quality of the food fly fast and hard and the success or failure of the conference is decided based on how good or bad the food is.
2.30PM: An announcement for the commencement of the post-lunch session is made. Delegates start straggling in.
2.45PM: The 11.00AM lecture begins. Within fifteen minutes, most of the delegates are sleeping, some actually snoring. The disheartened speaker loses interest and then runs through the lecture in less than the allotted time.
This goes on and on...
At the end of the day, if all the scheduled lectures have not yet been delivered, the last one or two are cancelled or postponed to the next day.

Some variations exist:
* Even if the inauguration is in the evening, there is still a delay in starting the conference on time in the morning, since not many delegates would have come on time. This results, either in a delay of the inauguration or cancellation or postponement of some of the lectures.
* If the chief guest is hard-pressed for time, the inauguration may start on time. In such a situation, a frantic effort is made to fill up the auditorium, so that the chief guest is not offended by the thin attendance. This means asking hotel employees or college students, depending on the venue, to occupy the auditorium seats for a short time. After the chief guest has finished and left on time, the other organizers will still ensure a delay by lengthening their own lectures and addresses.
* Or the electricity may suddenly fail, delaying everything.
* Or the projection system may fail.
* Or the projectionist may disappear.
* Or the keynote speaker may not arrive in time.
* Or the speakers may overshoot their allotted time.
* Or the audience may just not turn up in decent numbers.

Rarely does a conference ever start on time. The smaller the town, the greater the delay. And yet I, like a fool, still land up on time, each time, hoping against hope that the next time will be different.

Can anything be done to ensure that conferences start on time and continue on schedule! These are a few thoughts:
* Inaugurations should be abolished. If they are absolutely necessary, they should be allotted only half an hour.
* The program should start on time, irrespective of the strength of the audience. Once the delegates know that the organizers mean business, they will automatically come on time the next day.
* All speakers should be told firmly to stick to their time - they should neither overshoot nor finish too early. If they overshoot, the projection or the microphone or both should be cut-off.
* Lunch should be simple, preferably in a box.

Yet in a country where pomp is more important than content, the organizers will always place more importance on the inauguration, lunch and dinner than the lectures and scientific deliberations, which actually are the reason why the conference is being held in the first place. So I guess, as usual, I am only asking for the moon.....